Kathleen is due back tomorrow, thank God. While I've gotten back into my routine, it's going to be nice to at least have her back and to finally start to settle into some routine of normal, if that ever exists. The last jolt that the thing that was cut out of John's tongue was actually cancer didn't help. What it really did was keep Kathleen in Texas for two days too long...today John went full Asshole, causing the usual family tears.

God Bless Kathleen, she has had to assimilate so much...and I can only think of how...much she's gotten better since we first met. June alone saw Mom's death, Kathy's brother suddenly dying after we had all thought he was getting better, and John's cancer scare. All of this with a recital in the middle. She's held strong, and she has tried as best she could to keep me from having to deal with her extra emotional baggage. I hate that she actually felt guilty talking to me tonight...it wasn't that I am still in a funk from Mom's death (though I'm by no means over it)...it was that it is the same story that we hear every...single...time.

There is a part of me that really thinks when John goes...if he manages to go where Mom goes...She will be waiting at the gates to finally tell him off.

I've tried being more social at work. The folks in the office has been pretty supportive, there's no other way around it. I've slid back into the routine, and I'd like to think people aren't tiptoeing around me anymore. I went out with my "team" last night, and with some people in the office tonight. It wasn't bad, and I'll probably do it again because it'd be nice for these folks to see me in a non-work environment.

The problem is, and it's a big reason why I avoided these things in the first place, I couldn't avoid work, even when I was away from work. Something Mom always did well, and something that was imparted on me by Coy, was that you have to have a cutoff point. At some time, you have to cut yourself off from the job and put it behind you. It's tough, even in a social environment where people are drinking, to get away from what binds you all...your job. I hung out for two hours tonight, and had some things to laugh at, but mostly I just listened. It's OK...at least I went.

I honestly don't know what I would have done if we hadn't met Brandan and Jena. They were there that first night, they looked after the "Kids" while we were in NC, and while Kat was in Texas they have made it a point to reach out and make sure that I shouldn't feel alone. It's helped...looking back, there really was only four or so nights in the past couple of weeks where I was by myself the entire time at the apartment, and that's not a bad thing.

I'm ready for Kat to be home, though. I've missed her being here, and you can only be away from your wife for so long before you get a little crazy.

The random moments are still getting me. I've got a really difficult claim...no, that's a lie...it's a simple claim, some other people have made it complicated. We screwed up, and this poor guy without a rental car is suffering because of it...and it's not because of anything I did, it's the people on the other side of the process that have screwed this up as much as they could.

I was already feeling bad for this guy (short story, his car is damaged just enough to where it might be a total, but the first guy looking at it didn't have the tools to make that decision, so it was passed off, the person who it was passed off to didn't do it, so it's become a hot potato...and I'm the only one actually speaking to our customer), when he was telling me about the fact that he doesn't have a car right now. He works with patients at two hospitals, basically coordinating treatments, and his lack of a car has kept people from getting proper treatments, or things have had to be rescheduled...and then he dropped the fact that cancer patients he sees hasn't gotten the treatments, or needed reschedules. Boom. My throat closed up and I could feel the pressure on my eyes. Fortunately this was the end of the night so no one could see...and I have a really good ability to hold my composure when I need to (I had to develop it quickly up here after it got me into trouble the first couple of months I worked here).

Kathy sent me a message yesterday saying that a friend told her that the best way to try and manage all of this was to put all of your troubles into different containers, put a lid on them, and only open them up one a time...once they were open, deal, and either let it empty or put the lid back on, but by no means open up more than once. I'd like to think I'm doing that...while my mind wonders in a lot of directions, the moment my key card makes the beep to where I walk through that door, it's work, and my focus is the job at hand.

My troubles right now are really light. Thanks to winning an award at work, and the generosity of family and friends, financially we aren't as tight as I thought we'd be...and the hope is that the situation may get better soon...the apartment is clean and serene...friends are getting together Sunday for the 4th...Kat has this recital behind her, so now we can soak things in...I just have to deal with Mom.

I would welcome a good book on the subject. I don't feel like sifting through 10,000 amazon options...and I don't know if I feel like going to a therapist for this. I'd like to think that this is a huge help to moving on, just getting thoughts out there.

I've neglected this medium...Facebook spoiled me with those instant updates. I have to use it more. I will use it more.

Fair warning, this rambles, and I don't know where it goes. Those of you still on LJ who read these things are close enough to me to where I feel fine sharing it.

There had been times when I wondered why I didn't delete this account...mostly the times when I look at and realize it's been almost two years since I posted anything. Now...I know why.

Facebook is great, it really is...but the ability to put "notes" out there for people to read, that I would have to select who would see it and who wouldn't is a pain...and, I think with everything that's happened, I need to start putting my thoughts out there again...but keep it to this select group of people who read. I'm sure...damn sure...that hardly anyone will see it...but those that do are my most trusted friends, and this is perhaps the best way for me to "talk" to people.

It's been almost three weeks since Mom died. Jesus, I got emotional typing died. I still don't know how I feel, in a lot of ways.

It's odd, because you have friends who are sympathetic. Who want to do anything and everything to help you out and yet...there is only so much one can do to help. It's a shared hopeless feeling. The people who care about you want to do anything...anything...to try and take away the hurt. The pain. And yet they are so helpless in doing so, but they try so hard to do what they can.

In the three weeks since Mom left the Earth I have just been overwhelmed with just how much people actually care...about me. I think one of the things that Mom really taught me well, even if she never said anything to teach it (it was more by actions), it was that you go to the wall for your friends. You be a good person. There are things that have to be done, and there is a way to act even when you have to be polite. Bitch to the right people, and don't let the wrong people know you don't like them. Mom was like that for her friends, and I don't think I really realized just how many real friends she had until the visitation two weeks ago.

There's a point to the rambling...since I left Louisburg in 1997...North Carolina in 2003...and Beaumont in 2008, I left behind some really good friends. And yet...when this happened, the outpouring of love, support, care, and genuine heartbreak for me was so massive that I think, in a lot of ways, it overwhelmed me as much as Mom's death did. I always thought I kept a tight circle, had always worried about what people thought about me...wondered if sometimes I kept things too close to the vest.

Then a funny thing happened when I was dealing with this tremendous loss. Friends stepped up. People hurt, as much as I did. They had met Mom maybe once, likely not at all...but they hurt because I hurt...and be it through a card they felt compelled to send because they wanted me to smile just once...or through a generous card that included the ability to not worry about money while we were in North Carolina...I have been reminded throughout this entire process just what friendship is, what it means, and (not to sound cliched) who really blessed I really am.

I am blessed to have a wife who loves me and was there in every way shape and form as I tried to process this...as I moved forward...as I stood there and shook countless hands of people during the visitation.

I am blessed that my best friend in the world knows how to make me laugh when I need it, and is there to just let me ramble when I'm a blubbering mess.

I am blessed to have met a couple of people who seem to have a marriage that is similar, at least on the surface, to the one I have and who I was able to instant bond...and who, in the hours following this loss, let me smile. Let me laugh.

I am blessed to have a family that loves each other and has the strength to be able to absorb this.

I am blessed to have a job where my coworkers care enough to take time, make sure that my job was at the bottom of the list of things for me to worry about, and care enough to try and make sure they let me know they are sorry. I am constantly reminded of how much better this job is to the one I left before I went to Progressive.

I am blessed to be here. Right now. It took a lot of hard work to get to Boston...and it took Mom. It took her getting me through school, it took her telling me to pick myself up when I stuck my foot in my mouth at the last job and with one sentence, telling me to move on. It took her helping me be able to plunk down the money necessary to move here.

I am no where near over this, and I think it'd be absurd to assume one could be. Typing this out I've probably cried the most since that Horrible day. Random things remind me of her. For example...as I walked to Cleveland Circle last night to get a quick bite before hopping on the T, I passed the Blue Thai place (I still never remember its name). I almost welled up remembering that was the place where Kat, Mom, and I ate the first Night Mom came here. I am going to Mohegan tomorrow to play Poker for the first time in a few months, and my mind almost immediately shot to the couple of days we spent there. Facebook throws me her picture, randomly, once in a while.

I'm trying to get back to routine. With Kat gone this past week, I've been trying to keep a little busier. I've probably watched more porn on-line that usual...I don't know if that horniness is natural, or a way my brain is just keeping me from thinking about other things more. Then I wonder if it's right, I wonder if Mom is watching me, then I try to put it out of my mind.

I wonder if there is a book I should read. Today, I went to a new Border's in Dedham and, out of curiosity, went over to the self-help section and saw the section on grief, death, etc. I had no clue what to get. Then I saw that this Border's had place this section directly across from the Sexuality section. Literally, you turn 180 and you stare at the Kama Sutra, 180 the other way and you look at Tuesdays with Maury. I laughed...and yet part me felt that really inappropriate.

I'm still pretty sad, because it doesn't take a lot for me to start crying. But, I haven't gone down a hole. I'm refusing to let life pass me by. I am going to laugh, I am going to have fun. Mom wouldn't want me to just sit and wallow over her, that much I know.

I wonder if I need a councilor. I have always had an over-active brain, trying to think of the next step, processing, thinking ahead. That part still won't stay quiet...thinking of the holidays, trying to make plans with whatever our share of Mom's Life insurance policy was...I guess it's just my way of trying to get back to where I was.

I don't want people to feel sorry for me, yet I want to understand. I am literally afraid of speaking to customers at work who I know will yell at me because I'm afraid of what I will say. Will they push me over an edge? Will I yell at them for worrying about their fucking car when I'm still trying to process the fact that my mom is gone?

Talking has helped. I don't know why I did it, but I spent time talking to a co-worker on Tuesday, explaining to them exactly what happened. From Mom's first diagnosis in '97, to the radiation/chemo, to the being clean for almost 13 years, to the catch made last year, then the cancer being in the liver in January, to the hospital in April...and again on Memorial Day, to her sudden death a week later. There is a vein part of me that wants people to understand I've been trying to go about things like everything is normal for two months while this was going on, but I also told no one at work except my bosses about all this because I didn't want them to think I was using it as an excuse for getting away with things.

It hurts that Christmas was the last time I saw Mom. Period. But I don't think I would have been able to take it seeing her in the hospital, knowing she was about to die. The last place on earth she visited before the final hospitals was Topsail Island. What is it about that place that calls to all of us in my family?

I'm going to try and be better about typing out feelings for the next little bit here. I need to, I think, in order to make sure they don't just stick in my head. It will help me move forward.

So long that I don't know if this is even read anymore...but I need to vent, and frankly I'm at the point where I can't even tag on Facebook because...well...people read the damn thing.

In the last month, as politics has frankly stayed as hot as it had been, a disturbing trend has continued that I had hoped would die...from my brother.

It probably says something about the fact that I haven't lived at home in going on 6 years now, and even before that Chris and I weren't especially close. We have some similar tastes, both lately his politics have come on to the point where I'm past disagreeing and becoming offended at him.

Chris is a small part of the problem, as I ranted on a Note last week on Facebook, my travels have taken me to the place where I have a lot of Conservative friends. They have their points of view, and I try to listen but lately it's been more a yelling position.

I don't understand...they bitch and moan about liberalism, government taking over, wanting to think for themselves...but all they are really doing is following the words of someone else, listening to their words, hook, line, and sinker. It's as if constructive thought and actual debate in this country has been replaced with "I believe Glenn Beck," or "I believe Keith Olbermann."

It's culminated lately with my brother thinking it's appropriate to leave comments when I'm trying to be funny, or my wife is passing along info. My pretty funny quote from a Chief of Staff to a Senator claiming that porn, any porn, makes you guy, elicited a "yeah, makes about as much sense as saying anyone who disagrees with the President is a racist." Kathleen's post today about the Mass Senate approving a measure to allow the Governor to appoint a senator before a special election was met with my brother posting, "Did they open a bottle for Ted to celebrate?" He also made a really horrible remark somewhere else, basically using the f-word that is a derogatory term to someone who is male and gay (sorry...I cannot type that word...it offends me and brings up too many bad memories).

Facebook in a way is wonderful in that it is one of the purest forms of free speech available to us. As Anna had once said, a soap box where you can finally shout how you feel. But...the problem is that unlike a square where if so many people are shouting, you really can't hear...as long as you can read, you offend. I've been on both sides of that, and it's why I've essentially cut politics from my status updates, unless it's just funny.

I mean, for God's sake, Mom had to virtually break us up back in May because we kept going back and forth with each other.

I was so hopeful that Obama being elected would bring about a new age in politics, so many people wanted him elected that I really thought it would force the Conservatives to look inward and see that the right fringe is no place to be. Instead, it's brought out a deep hate that seems to be feeding a fire both sides contribute to now.

I don't know what to do about my brother...I'm a decent debator, but most importantly I hate losing...I'm stubborn, and so when I get into it I will not give in, although to win I will concede points quicker in order to get to a resolution. I guess from here on out I will send him the message that if he puts something on my comments that I disagree with, I will delete them as I have the ability to do, maybe he'll get the hint.

That if you are on Facebook, you caught my note...but seeing as how it's been a while since I ranted, I'm going to post it on here, too...
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I admit it, I lean left, I stay over there, I proudly have voted Democrat since 2000, the first Presidential Election in which I could. I went to a liberal university in a not-so-liberal state, so for this people either agree with me all the way, or essentially hate my guts. That's all I have to say. Liberal.

As part of this label, I enjoy watching Countdown with Keith Olbermann. He is Liberal. He is too Liberal for me, but I enjoy watching him. His segment that normally comes near the end (and tonight came at the end), the Worst Person in the World, usually does a great job at pointing out the things that make it tough for me to identify as anything but liberal.

Today, in a later show because of Obama's Press Conference (by the way...isn't this #3 for him, which is three times as many as the guy "elected" in 2000?), he presented his usual segment...and perhaps tonight, more than any other night, crystallized why I just can't be behind the right side of the aisle.

First, you had a Congresswoman who normally bashes the left stand up and criticize FDR for passing the Hoot-Smalley Act. Here's what's wrong with this Criticism:
1) It was written by Republicans in 1930, passed that year...3 years before FDR was in office
2) It was repealed in 1934
3) And it was called the SMOOT-HAWLEY ACT.

What is disturbing is that I vaguely remember this from a class somewhere, is that it's not my job to know this stuff. I get paid to make people get back to the way they were before car accidents. This Congresswoman is paid to know what the Hell she's talking about, and she is speaking to people who rely on her to know what the Hell she's talking about. So...I don't blame her, I blame the fact that somewhere we have created a society where BOTH sides get their talking points lined up, and no matter what resolutely stand behind them. It's not on principal. If I am someone from the left, and I think that a Republican has a good idea, then that Republican must be the Anti-Christ.

The gem came at #1 on KO's Countdown, and it's the part of me I just cannot wrap my head around for people who call themselves Christians. A representative from North Carolina got up on the House Floor, speaking against a piece of Hate Crimes Legislation named after Mathew Sheppard. The debate over whether someone should be prosecuted differently for a hate crime is a good one, and I frankly, feel, that you can't legislate someone's mind. If you take a gun and willingly kill, or torture, or make someone suffer...well then you really can't say that you HATE them, now can you?

If this rep from NC had framed her argument that way, I might actually be on her side. Did she? Nooooo...in short...she stated that the legislation should be struck down because the young gay man who was lured out of a bar because he was known to be gay, robbed, had God knows what sharp objects inserted into him,strapped to a fence in a field for 18 hours before being discovered, and thus died...was actually being named for a man who wasn't being punished because he was gay, just died in a robbery. This while Mrs. Sheppard sat above the House Floor.

This is why I can't get behind the Right that is deciding it has to be vocal right now. Because it spews of hate. Because it spews of stubbornness. Because it sits in the past and fails to recognize the winds of change and desperately grasps to hold on to what it knew it the past. Instead of focusing on helping fix our problems, instead of focusing on finding common ground, this voice wants to whip up such a putrid, horrid, toxic cloud of hate that they hope will encompass the country and eventually allow them to win to the point where the Elite has all the money, only a man and woman who are married will have sex to conceive a child, and those that don't fall in-line must be fixed.

There is a reason why 21% of people identify themselves as Republicans. There is a reason Democrats are about to have 60 Senators, the House, and the President. There is a reason that despite your bluster, this Black President was elected and STILL ENJOYS A 60% POPULARITY. You are spewing hate. You are not fixing. You do not want to fix, you just want to revel in the fact that you disagree with everything.

I think it is fair to say in this country you can call yourself a Democrat and not agree lock-step with everything the Democrats stand for. It's why there are Democrats from North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Minnesota, and Massachusetts in the Senate right now...because there is a core there, but room in the party to debate and disagree. Yet, all I hear is such a fountain of hate from the Right...and the few Republicans that want to give Obama Credit for something, ANYTHING, he does right is cast out as a pariah that must be cleansed.

In the end, here's why I don't consider myself being on the right:

I think if you are Gay you should be left the hell alone and live your life the way I can live mine...If you are Jewish you have a different belief than I yet you are allowed to marry. If God didn't mean for Homosexuals to be on this earth, why did He make them in the first place? Did He really create them just for us to be able to thrust all of our hate upon them?

I think that for the first 350+ years of our country's existence, we kind of handing African Americans a raw deal...in essence, if a generation is roughly 20 years, about 18 generations before serious civil rights legislation? A war was fought, and they were STILL given a raw deal...so yeah, I think for a few generations there should be some laws out there to help even the field. I was given preference for UNC because I lived in NC, and got an advantage because I went to a small town school. My 1220 SAT and one after school activity, combined with my summer camps, might not have been enough to get me in had I gone to Raleigh, Charlotte, Chapel Hill...yet because I went to Louisburg, I was given a boost, some help, it was assumed that if I had gone to those other schools, I would have done better. Since graduating, I worked for two large companies and one small one...I have worked with several people, both sexes, many races...my current power structure is a white woman, a white man, a black female, and a white female. But they really aren't...they are my team leader, branch manager, Regional manager, and State manager. It's how it should be, and not too long ago, they wouldn't have had the chance to get where they are.

I think that time and time again, our history has shown that when the rich and the wealthy get too much power and gain too much control, the majority of people end up hurting. I think that at the end of the day, it isn't fair that someone that makes 100 times what I do in a year pays half as much in terms of a real tax rate, by the time they get to move their money around. I don't think this country punishes success, I think this country provides you with the opportunity to succeed, and helps you along the way with grants, subsidized loans, tax breaks as you are rising...all it asks in return is for you to pay back the favor. We want to have better terrorist coverage, better education, better police, better, in short, government structure. How do we pay for that if that money is coming on the backs of those who live paycheck to paycheck cause they can't hire an accountant to move their money around?

I think it is patently ridiculous that we have a system where because I have insurance, my wife was able to get a thyroid surgery and have a hospital stay for about $400, but if I didn't have insurance I would have had to have paid about $5000. I don't bemoan the insurance, i bemoan the fact that I had to get a job to get that insurance, and there is no way to buy a policy as cheaply as I get through that job. I hate that my employer has to foot the bill and puts themselves in the position of telling me how to monitor my health. I hate that different insurance companies cover different things, for different prices, and that we all have to pay for those that are uninsured, anyway...but we are too stupid to realize it, so we gripe about "Government sponsored health insurance."

And most of all...I know that some people will read this and think of me as a lesser human being because I just wrote all that.
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In non-pasted thoughts...I never realized that I'd feel bad for a website, but Livejournal has really suffered as I have, pretty much, the same ability to do anything I want on Facebook, and frankly more people can read when I vent. I was able to inform of Kat's thyroid issues, connect with old friends, celebrate Carolina winning a title. Tough to match that.

I'll still catch up on Livejournal...I just don't know how much more I'll keep posting...unless you all tell me you want me to keep it up.

It snowed today.

Again.

Then it rained.

Then the 5 foot snow drifts that covered the storm drains created almost frozen puddles...that I walked through twice.

I won't trade Texas Summers for these Winters, I know I won't...but geez, did you have to pick THIS winter to give Boston the most snow they've had in like 20 years?

Running totals:
Kathleen slips on ice: 3
Al steps in huge freezing cold puddles 2:

The snow is winning.

Sorry, gang. I know it's been forever and a day since I updated. Yadda, yadda, yadda. One of the biggest casualties of the absence was the lack of my posting the first sentence of every first post of the month. One of the reasons, frankly, is that there are a lot of holes due to all the upheaval, and it wouldn't do '08 justice.

Since I last wrote, Kat and I came back from an amazing trip home for Thanksgiving, she finished a semester, I saw my first snow in five years...and it really has never left...I have adopted a new TV show, maybe four years too late, but it's there, Celebrated Birthday #30, got to hang out with the members of Kathleen's family I do like, and finally feel as if I am making some new friends up in this neck of the woods.

Whew! I guess my life isn't as boring as I thought. The big one, of course, is that I have left the 20's behind and have caught up to my wife in the numbers game. That night was perhaps the biggest night that I missed the friends I had made in Texas, if only because as great as it was for Brandon and Jena to come (since that was only like the 2nd or 3rd time we had gotten together) and I don't know where I'd be without them, I miss being able to have a real celebration with my friends. Maybe we can make up for it at some point.

Poker-wise things are wonderful. Right before my birthday I went down to the Mohegan Sun and walked out with an additional $1000 in winnings...thanks to an amazing day of luck in both tournament play and cash game. I made bad calls, but somehow ended up making money. The poker room there is amazing, and I get a really good vibe out of it. Once we get another infusion of funds by the end of the month, I'll be set to try again down there.

Christmas was hectic...Susan and Allison came up to stay, and it made for some tight quarters for a while...glad I got the one bedroom instead of the studio. They flew in the day between the two big snowstorms, and so they got to experience the stuff full blast while up here. I can't lie, the snow is beautiful, and one of the things I did miss when I lived down in Texas was snow. We even got a small Christmas treelet and had it for the Holidays...it was cute, and helped brighten the mood.

While they were up here, we had to watch what Allison pretty much wanted to keep the peace, but a good thing with that was the House Marathons that the TV pretty much stayed on. We watched a few episodes, and I realized that this was a show that I should have been watching from the beginning. Thanks to a late Xmas gift from Susan, we now have the first three seasons on iTunes and we are in the process of catching up. I am on Season 2 right now. I love that show, someone should have told me about it!

In between, I've been working. That is pretty much the same ole stuff, no big news...just chugging along. People up here drive like idiots, but then again we all drive like idiots, so that isn't news.

I'll try to be better about updating this in '09...I think, frankly, I just wanted to keep my eyes off a computer screen for a bit.

Happy Holidays late, and folks...don't be strangers, get your butts up to Boston!

North Carolina has always been and always will be my home, there's just no two ways about this. I have made friends in other parts of the country, experienced different aspects of what life has to offer...and yet, every time I come back to this state my soul seems to settle into a different place...a peaceful place. This state has treated me right, given me my values, and for better or worse made me who I am today. It's corny, but I understand what James Taylor was singing about in "Goin' to Carolina in My Mind."

I don't know if it's the state or just the plain fact that I have a great family who happens to reside here. My memories are great, and every time I come back I find myself hating to leave.

The usual Tour De Force began after getting no sleep last Friday. Basically, I drove all night to find a legal parking space close to the apartment...and that last sentence isn't an exaggeration. Basically, I left around midnight to pick up Kat after a concert/dinner with friends, and my nice legal space was taken. I drove for another 4 hours to try and find another one. Life in the big city.

I had actually given up and resigned to the fact that we were going to have to pay $80 or so at the airport to park the car, when a space opened up. I was able to quickly park, go in the apartment, shower, finish packing, and hop on the T to head to the airport. Now, we'll pay just $3.40 for transportation to and from the airport (Kat has a monthly pass). I managed about an hour's worth of catnaps on the two flights (we connected in snowy Cleveland), and landed in sunny RDU.

Hertz didn't have my name in lights, and it was because I was using a different debit card than usual, thus they had to verify it. Oh well...for my trouble, they asked if we wanted a Mustang. What's funny is that the more I drive those cars (between my Christmas rental last year, Susan's, and this one, I've actually driven several of the "new" Mustangs), the more I think about ditching the Civic and just going for that car. Ford is being listed as a much more reliable automaker, I have the Xplan at work where I get discounts with Ford...and considering their financial state, they may be more willing to finance me. It's something to look at, anyway.

We made it to Louisburg about the same time Mom, Randall, and Grandmoma did. Saturday night we had the basic Thanksgiving meal, as this Thursday all of us won't be together (Chris, Midge, and Katie go to Midge's parents for Thanksgiving, and Chris has to work on Friday). Afterwords, somehow my brother and uncle cornered me into defending liberal politics and Obama. I think I did OK considering I was on hour 38 of being awake. Finally, I got to collapse on the living room couch and sleep.

Sunday was pretty lax as we all hung out until about 1, when Mom and them had to head back to Charlotte. Kat and I hung around a little longer...perhaps too long. See, I got into a conversation with Midge about how Katie was running around. The family jokes that Katie is exactly like me in about 90 percent of the way (you can probably guess some of the 10 percent). So, working on that theme, I had jokingly asked Midge if she had had to take Katie to the ER yet, as by Katie's Age I think I had gone 3 times (Head into a bookshelf, jumped off a refrigerator, keys in a light socket). Midge said no. We chuckled, and split off...Midge to her Mom's, and Kat and I to the beach.

About 10:00, Midge called me to tell me she had just gotten back from the ER. Apparently Katie had been running around her Mom's place and she rammed her head into the sharp arm of a chair at the house. The moment it happened, she saw the gash and said "yeah, we need to go get this taken care of." The doctors actually used staples instead of stitches. Midge had to call and let me know..and I haven't quite stopped feeling guilty since.

Monday at Tuesday have been like heaven down at the beach. It's hard to get too stressed when you hear that ocean outside the door, and when you need to go somewhere you get to walk into a nice, cherry red Mustang coupe. Wednesday, Kat helps out Bobby in some of his Middle school classes, and I am going to kill time getting tickets for the hockey game, as well as seeing Chapel Hill again. Then the three of us are going out to the game. Thursday will be a more traditional Thanksgiving, then Friday we get up early to head back to Boston. This weekend will be chill, but depending on my funds I might slip down to Mohegan for a little poker.

Oh well, off to bed. Pretty soon I'll be back to having to go back to Carolina in my mind.

I actually supported a candidate who won!

Sorry, gang, I know it's been forever and a day since I updated. I'd lie and say that it's because nothing has happened, but frankly it's because work has been so busy, meaning I do nothing but stare at a computer for 8 hours a day, and when I come home, I don't feel like sitting in front of this thing and typing more.

I'm not going to lie, work has been stressful. There are a lot of factors brewing into this, the different pace of life in the Northeast, the Big Office vs Small Office, the New office vs the Established office, and my general unease at having to constantly change from my comfort zone have all slowly built more and more stress up.

I think things are starting to go on an uptick, though...had a rough couple of weeks as I transitioned to a new boss thanks to an office shakeup (my old boss moved over to the repair side), and as I was finally just getting comfortable with the old guy, I had to change all my routines for the new guy. The good news with the change is that he and I have a good working relationship, despite his bluntness, and in the long run I think he will snap me out of a lot of bad habits I had developed.

Still, it's stressing me out. I had to call my old boss in Beaumont to see if I was going nuts, and he in short told me my complaints were nothing new from people who had moved out of the Beaumont office into bigger offices. I really think a lot of it is Coy, he just wants to get the job done...yeah he's a boss, and yeah he puts his foot down...but if the company is doing something doesn't make sense, he will roll his eyes with you before telling you, "it's gotta be done this way." He fights for his crew, and there really is a family feel to the office, all of these things are just not quite the same in the big office. People are looking to get their leg up, people move to different roles, the answer has to be NOW!

I just don't think it was what I was expecting when I took the move. I want to do my job well, I don't want to do the job because I'm worried about screwing up, and lately I've been more worried about screwing up...and, by the numbers, I've been doing OK.

It will get better, I know this...and I guess everyone will get frustrated by their job at some point, but, still sucks when it happens.

In more pleasant news, my poker has come back strong! Our expected push of income came in at the beginning of the month and I was finally able to play some guilt free poker at the new Mohegan Sun poker room. Two weekends in a row I went down there, and ended up ahead by close to $200 between the two trips. Weekend One saw me break even by losing $200 in a cash game, paying $75 for a sit and go and splitting the top prize at that same SNG (so, technically I was ahead by $25). The next weekend I just sat at the table and played 1/2 no limit for 6 hours. I only had to get $100 in chips, as I ended up finishing with $270.

I had a great rush...it's funny, I played for 6 hours to enjoy, basically, a 30 minute span where I went from $75 in chips to close to $400. The first bump came from having pocket 10's and just calling. The flop came 10, 8, 4, rainbow. It checks around to me, and I throw out a sucker bet of $5 just to get some action going, get a call, then get a raise to $25. I'm thrilled, and double it to $50. The raiser puts me all in, and I call and show my set at the same time. He grimaces and turns over a set of 4's. I felt bad for the guy, cause he was making a great move, and frankly with that board, there was no way he was getting away from 4's.

After that I, essentially, doubled up again thanks to a series of great hands where I was able to bully my way to a great stack. Then they changed dealers, and my stack started to dwindle. I got under $300, the cards sucked, it was 10 PM, and I realized "I need to go because otherwise, I will have nothing."

So this weekend I stayed home. It felt good to be back at the table, and it was scary how the hours melted away at the table. I've said it before, and I say it again...I really wish I had the means to be able to do that for a living.

What else? Oh, I've managed to read the entire Twilight series, so now I get all the Cullen references people keep throwing out there. Harry Potter is still my favorite, but considering I managed to get all four books read in about two weeks, I think that says something about what I thought about this one. If I find a book I like, I tend to inhale it, take a break, then read it again. You can thank Kat for this one...cause I wouldn't have otherwise started reading a series about a 17 year old girl who falls in love with a vampire...I will say the books are definitely geared for more mature teenagers/young adults and I am glad that in this age of Cable, Internet, iPods and cell phones...someone can still write a successful series of novels geared towards the Internet generation.

And then of course, the election. I am super-stoked. I actually asked for Wednesday off. Yes...Wednesday. Why? So I can stay up all night and watch the results! What point is there to stay home on Tuesday? My polling location is right across the street, and I work until 7, so all I'd see on Tuesday is "we're getting close now!" reports. The action will begin as I get off work, and I can't wait.

Things are looking good...but I won't jinx anything. Too much can go wrong, and until the networks declare someone a winner, as far as I'm concerned it's a 50-50 race.

Only a couple seasons ago, mumbling about lost opportunities and faintly holding on for hope at a chance for a National Title seemed unthinkable. The last time the football crowd got this excited about the team, it was my Freshman year...11 years ago.

I watched a Carolina team last night dominate a previously ranked and undefeated UConn team. I've seen them walk over Rutgers, come back against Miami, and just not quite react well when their QB, TJ Yates got hurt.

Carolina is 4-1, and unfortunately that (1) is a game against Virginia Tech. Carolina basically will have to win all their ACC games from here and hope that Tech loses two times so they can finish at the top of their division.

Funny thing is, they have a real shot at that.

This team is scary for one big reason...they are majority Freshmen and Sophomores. They have playmaker after playmaker sitting back and waiting, and I've seen them win games in different ways each week.

Carolina has a real shot to finish 9-3, 10-2...dare I even dream 11-1? And next year...they should be even better, people may actually (gasp) talk national title with them.

Next up for the Heels is Notre Dame, 3:30, ABC. I have a feeling Carolina will be bringing in the "auxiliary" stands to close up the horseshoe and bring the max capacity to about 63,000...if you are a college football fan, after UT and OU are done, do yourself a favor and watch that one. My hope is that Carolina will be ranked, and put down this talk that "Notre Dame is back."